Falling Forever

The colours of my days vary: sometimes grey, sometimes bright blue, sometimes brilliant white, sometimes technicolour. Endless patterns of light and shade. But the night is always navy blue, and that is what I fall backwards into now. I hear the music and it is beautiful, and so loud, but then it stops abruptly, swallowed up by bright light and life.

I make the dinner. I drop a fork on the floor and it falls with a clatter. And what does it matter if it falls, falls forever? It is just a fork. And I fall, without ever reaching the bottom of anything. And what does it matter?

I dye my hair a deep red, the colour of red wine, like the wine people drink in church to represent Jesus. I imagine the dye going down my plug hole and straight into the sea, dying it red, and I imagine you floating, resting on the crimson waves, on a blow-up lilo like the ones you can buy from cheap souvenir shops by the beach.

I want your smile to last forever. I know it can't.